R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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