I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
