This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
