i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
