Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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