"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
