I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
