textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
