Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
