i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
