no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
