I wish I could teleport
Sponge bath it is.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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