you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
