She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
