I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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