im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
