Porn is love you can see.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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