This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
