Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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