my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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