Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
