Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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