my mouth tastes like poor choices
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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