he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
