I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
