i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
