Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
