I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
