Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
