Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So apparently I’m into choking now
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