We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
