His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
