i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
