hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
