Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
