is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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