Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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