Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
