i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
