My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
