He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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