I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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