I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
