i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
