You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
