This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
