i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
