just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
