I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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