I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
