But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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