I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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